Motherhood and Feminism- Having it All

My whole life I have supported the idea that women and men should be equal partners in relationships, and more recently, parenthood. Sadly, according to statistics, whether a woman works outside the home or not, in a typical family, when it comes to housework and parenting women do more.  It has also been intimated that if a woman breastfeeds, it increases her workload because obviously most if not all of the feeding is her responsibility.  Formula, it appears, adds choice and freedom to women. 

Let's examine this a bit more closely. First, I'll go into my experience, as I have done it both ways. And my son does not take bottles, so I have actually done every single feeding since he was born 7.5 months ago. My husband did help very much with middle of the night wakings for my other children. I am fortunate, though, as I expect nothing less than an equal partner when it comes to marriage and children. I do not consider a father staying home with his own kids to be "babysitting". I do not consider laundry and dishes "women's work". I do not think that a man's work solely consists of his job and bringing home an income. When Dylan was born, in fact, Anthony completely took over for the other 3 kids for the first month so that I could establish breastfeeding with the baby. In short, my only job for that first month was feeding Dylan. 

I also did not at any point find formula "freeing", particularly at night. I totally understand if a mom is working, pumping and storing milk is very difficult. Keeping up supply is difficult. Avoiding nipple confusion and bottle preference is an issue. Total weaning sometimes happens despite everyone's best efforts. This is more a problem with inadequate maternity leave, particularly in the US, than it is with breastfeeding in itself, though. We have messed up priorities when it comes to the care of children here, but that is another post altogether.  Anyway, cleaning and sterilizing bottles, getting up to prepare them, staying awake while feeding the baby, feeling somewhat detached and a bit resentful while doing so were all part of the experience of formula feeding for me. I happen to enjoy breastfeeding, and after the initial month of supply issues, mastitis and clogged ducts was resolved, I have found it much simpler than formula. Yes, I do need to have the baby in my presence most of the time. I do have to think for a moment when he was last nursed if I go out. But I have done that with my other children at this tender age for the most part too. 

Breastfeeding is a more politically charged topic than you'd think. An awesome read that goes further in depth than I could ever on this blog is The Politics of Breastfeeding, by Gabrielle Palmer. Think about it this way- there is nothing on this earth that could potentially save more lives and more money (think 1.5 million babies and billions of dollars in healthcare costs) than if more women chose to breastfeed. This is the only act with a "bottom line" that is exclusively female. 

Think deeper still. You know what is decidedly un-feminist? The fact that society has sexualized breasts to the extent that they are. The fact that feeding a baby with a boob is no longer normal on an unconscious level for most people. The porn industry. The fact that breasts have basically become a play thing for men who don't do housework or much for their children.  It's an awesome feeling, being able to feed and nurture your baby with your own body. There is power in it. 

Formula is not a symbol of freedom. Yes, it's good we have choices. But let's make it a truly informed choice. Do your research, you do what you feel is right in the end. But don't walk around with the illusion that those who choose to nurse are giving up their feminist ideals....we're not. Being a woman is hard, no matter how you feed the baby. And whether you breastfeed or not, make him change diapers. And do laundry. He may come out of it with a stronger bond with his family. Oh, and teach your son how to operate a washing machine. His wife will thank you someday.