So it's no big surprise, by the title of my blog, that my son is breastfed. There is a journey and a story behind how a mom who formula-fed three children came to exclusively nurse her fourth...

I was told I could not breastfeed Hunter and Julianna by doctors because of some medication I take. This was almost 9 years ago, and what is known now regarding milk transfer of medications to mother's milk was not known at the time. A lactation consultant actually did recommend partial nursing and partial pumping and dumping, but she made it sound quite difficult and I didn't elect to go that route. With my 19 month old, Harley, I certainly could have exclusively breastfed, but I didn't research it properly so she was also formula fed.

Early in my pregnancy with baby Dylan, I had a dream. The dream was of the birth of my son, whom I didn't know yet was a boy, and the child began nursing right after the birth. Concurrently, I ran into the book Medications and Mother's Milk, by Tom Hale, and started researching my options. Finally, I saw a psychiatrist in Seattle who confirmed that I was able to fully breastfeed with a few adjustments to the meds I take.

Enter Dylan. The birth was long and difficult, including a cascade of interventions, such as Pitocin, an epidural, and IV fluids. I'm not saying that everyone should or can opt for a natural birth,  or even that these interventions were not medically indicated in my situation. However, they can and do affect the initiation of breastfeeding.

That said, it is what it is. Dylan was initially a very enthusiastic nurser, despite being born at 37 weeks, which can also impact the baby's ability to nurse well in the early stages. But when my milk didn't come in by day 5, we began getting concerned. He had lost 12% of his birth weight and was not wetting enough diapers. Actually, at one point he had gone over 12 hours without a wet diaper, and we had to act. We began a regime of nurse/ supplement/ pump to build supply. I began taking domperidone to help my supply and I was shocked to have a full supply within 48 hours. My baby has been fully breastfed since 14 days old and we have not needed to supplement with formula since then.

All this to say, breastfeeding can be difficult, even in the best of circumstances, usually for the first month or so. I had a midwife tell me, "The first month to six weeks is harder than just giving the baby a bottle. Both mother and baby must learn how to nurse. But if you can make it through the early stages, it gets easier than bottle-feeding. It will be worth the struggle."

I took her advice to heart. We worked very hard to establish our nursing relationship. Everyone knows that breastfeeding has substantial health benefits. But the real benefit is in the mother/ child bond, for lack of a better word. I hesitate to use the word "bond" because I am certainly bonded to my other children. But nursing enhances the experience of mothering. It's not the only way, but it did cause me to bond with Dylan at an earlier age than my other kids. I could go on and on about how chubby my boy is from mama's milk, or how he has never been sick. But the real reason I am sold on nursing is almost completely from an emotional perspective. I just don't want you to miss out on this experience. It's something you will remember for a lifetime.

Also, this does not happen right off the bat. It can take a little bit to get past any difficulties you are having in the beginning. For me, once that happened, nursing my baby was absolutely beautiful. There is powerful emotion that goes with feeding and nurturing your baby with your own body. So when I go on about the benefits of breastfeeding, and I encourage mamas to keep trying, what I am really saying is "Don't quit 5 minutes before the miracle."

Intactivist Burning

Today I posted another intactivist link on Facebook, which not surprisingly elicited powerful emotions from many friends. But one comment in particular got me wondering why it is we as a culture, feel we must go so very far to avoid making parents feel guilty? Or judged? Or offended?

I don't think that genital integrity of children should be a parenting choice.

Yeah, there it is in black and white. I really feel THAT strongly. At some point, in this blog, I will feel compelled to link the youtube video of a child being circumcised that I saw some time ago that filled me with outrage. Not outrage towards parents, but outrage towards a society and a medical establishment that allows this to happen to babies. Outrage to a society that values its future so very little that the pain of a newborn is not important.

What kind of thinking does it take to arrive at the conclusion that since he isn't going to remember being cut, that makes it okay? By that logic, child abuse is also just fine as long as it is done at an age before long-term memory is formed. Since he's *just* a newborn, I guess strapping him down and cutting half his penis off will have no long-term effect. Well, other than the loss of his foreskin, which DOES have a function, or barring any complications.

Do we really believe that circumcision is not harmful? We believe it is harmful to girls. I think living in a "cut" society has an effect, certainly. A boy is cut by a doctor who was cut and therefore sees benefit to cutting and has no problem convincing the child's father, who is also cut. I get that, and I agree that this will take some time to undo. Because the reality is that while religious freedom is cited as a reason circumcision is legal- albeit the PARENT'S RELIGION- frankly most boys are not circumcised because of religion. The fact is parents have a myriad of other reasons....

The biggest problem faced by intactivists is that people cannot handle the truth. We can't even go on Facebook and post an informational link without coming across as offensive or making someone feel guilty. I am quite sorry, but I will not skew reality to avoid causing people guilt or making them question their choices. I will not stop fighting the fight for genital integrity for children who cannot speak for themselves. My words are not really intended for those who staunchly defend the ritual of amputating foreskins. They are simply intended for those who might be looking to make an informed choice, for those who may still be gathering facts, for those who are expecting a boy and intimidated by the "circumcision decision" and for those who may ever be expecting a boy.

Now, if you are pregnant with a boy, and you just assumed you would circumcise because that is just what people do, or because his father is, or because you heard it is cleaner, I leave you with this.....

Question circumcision.

Watch a video. If you can't handle watching it done, please do not have it done to your son.

The Ugly Side of Cry-It-Out

So I'm a bit down on society right now, and that will reflect in my posts. You've been warned!

For example, there's Cry-it-Out (CIO). I cannot stand CIO. I've never resorted to this practice of leaving an infant alone, crying, in hopes that he or she would eventually stop. This article summarizes the dangers of CIO, but here are a few reasons why it would never work for me as a mother.

1. It's mean. I don't know when it happened exactly, but sometime in the generation where "children should be seen but not heard" someone decided that babies are not people, with genuine feelings. That as long as their diaper is clean and they are fed and not physically ill,  it's ok to let them wail themselves to sleep. How would you like to be left alone, helpless and hysterical? And since when is it OK for adults to have emotions such as loneliness or boredom, but not OK for a little baby?

2. It threatens my attachment with my child. Forming a bond with a primary caregiver is vital in terms of human development, despite what Ferber or Babywise would have you believe. And in early childhood, attachment is formed by attentiveness and responding to your baby's needs. Crying is communication, not manipulation!

3. It's not natural. There is a reason why the sound of a baby- especially a newborn- crying is so distressing for adults.  You were given the instinct to comfort your baby, mama. Use it! In non-western cultures they are shocked at how long it takes for us to respond to our babies.

4. It may be dangerous. Excessive cortisol is found in the brains of babies left to cry alone. Interestingly, less cortisol is found in babies who are crying in the arms of a parent, such as with colic. I have read comments on articles about CIO where parents casually mention that the baby cried till they threw up. This is obviously risky, and if you are leaving a baby to cry for that long and that hard, that is child abuse.

5. It does not foster independence, as some would have you believe.  The opposite is true. Children will become independent in their own time. Expecting a little baby to be independent after spending 9 months cuddled in the womb is a bit ridiculous and completely counterintuitive.

So there you have it, the Cliff Notes on why I hate CIO. I have lots to say on this subject, but I'll end with this. Parenting is not always going to be convenient. When you're doing something as important as raising a human being, you gotta expect some hard work is going to be involved. There are lots of creative ways for everyone to get some sleep without resorting to CIO.

Stay tuned!

Parenting by Instinct

I have been reflecting a lot recently, on how I've grown as a parent with my youngest two children, and why that happened. 

When I had Hunter, I was 26 years old. I consider that young, although I have mama friends who are much younger and more sure of themselves than I was in my twenties. Anyway, a lot of the way I parented was a polar opposite to what my instincts told me. And a lot of this "going against the grain" was because I was trying to do what was expected of me, I thought, from society. Babies, are supposed to sleep in cribs, I was told. So when *my* baby didn't like the crib, I spent hours rocking him to sleep, getting him to that stage of deep sleep where I could finally slide him in the crib, ever so slowly, and then he would wake up wailing. I repeated this process ad nauseam instead of just cuddling with the boy where we would have all gotten rest. I didn't *want* to have him circumcised, and even did some research indicating it was unnecessary and even cruel, but sadly I went ahead and allowed it to be done, because it was such a common medical procedure. And breastfeed? Well, I wanted to, certainly, but I did not question the doctors who advised I formula feed because of some medication I take. 

Fast forward 8 years and 3 children....my second son is sleeping peacefully beside me as I type. I can hear the rhythm of his breath and smell his sweet baby smell and it comforts me. If he woke up right now, I'd slide beside him and offer the breast. He has never seen the inside of a crib, not that cribs are a bad thing, my toddler does just fine in hers, but sleeping without his cuddly body next to me doesn't feel right yet. Not at 7 months old. I know the joy of nursing a baby. I watched a circumcision video and knew I would not be signing those papers ever again. I have never left a baby to cry alone, because that NEVER felt right, despite what the sleep training advocates would have you believe, but for certain breastfeeding has given hearing my baby's cry a more visceral impression on me. When he was a newborn, my milk would let-down in response to his cries. I would also experience the discomfort of let down even before he demanded to be fed. Essentially, I knew he was hungry before he did. Nursing gave new meaning to attachment, and certainly new meaning to intuitive parenting. I have always enjoyed babywearing, even before it was popular in the US, but now the stroller is more for the stuff I have to lug around with this gaggle of kids than it is for the baby! 

I enjoy ALL of my children more, now that I am parenting by instinct. I am by no means perfect,  but I feel certain that by tending to my children's emotional needs while they are small, I will consequently raise kids with morals. While setting limits with my older kids is important, love and bonding is primary. 

While I'm still not sure exactly what I want for the rest of my days on earth, I do know that this family, right here, right now, is what I am meant to do.  This is what it's all about...