Parenting by Instinct

I have been reflecting a lot recently, on how I've grown as a parent with my youngest two children, and why that happened. 

When I had Hunter, I was 26 years old. I consider that young, although I have mama friends who are much younger and more sure of themselves than I was in my twenties. Anyway, a lot of the way I parented was a polar opposite to what my instincts told me. And a lot of this "going against the grain" was because I was trying to do what was expected of me, I thought, from society. Babies, are supposed to sleep in cribs, I was told. So when *my* baby didn't like the crib, I spent hours rocking him to sleep, getting him to that stage of deep sleep where I could finally slide him in the crib, ever so slowly, and then he would wake up wailing. I repeated this process ad nauseam instead of just cuddling with the boy where we would have all gotten rest. I didn't *want* to have him circumcised, and even did some research indicating it was unnecessary and even cruel, but sadly I went ahead and allowed it to be done, because it was such a common medical procedure. And breastfeed? Well, I wanted to, certainly, but I did not question the doctors who advised I formula feed because of some medication I take. 

Fast forward 8 years and 3 children....my second son is sleeping peacefully beside me as I type. I can hear the rhythm of his breath and smell his sweet baby smell and it comforts me. If he woke up right now, I'd slide beside him and offer the breast. He has never seen the inside of a crib, not that cribs are a bad thing, my toddler does just fine in hers, but sleeping without his cuddly body next to me doesn't feel right yet. Not at 7 months old. I know the joy of nursing a baby. I watched a circumcision video and knew I would not be signing those papers ever again. I have never left a baby to cry alone, because that NEVER felt right, despite what the sleep training advocates would have you believe, but for certain breastfeeding has given hearing my baby's cry a more visceral impression on me. When he was a newborn, my milk would let-down in response to his cries. I would also experience the discomfort of let down even before he demanded to be fed. Essentially, I knew he was hungry before he did. Nursing gave new meaning to attachment, and certainly new meaning to intuitive parenting. I have always enjoyed babywearing, even before it was popular in the US, but now the stroller is more for the stuff I have to lug around with this gaggle of kids than it is for the baby! 

I enjoy ALL of my children more, now that I am parenting by instinct. I am by no means perfect,  but I feel certain that by tending to my children's emotional needs while they are small, I will consequently raise kids with morals. While setting limits with my older kids is important, love and bonding is primary. 

While I'm still not sure exactly what I want for the rest of my days on earth, I do know that this family, right here, right now, is what I am meant to do.  This is what it's all about...